Gym - de-stress? Well stressed!!

I consider myself to be a pretty serious gym goer. You know the type. I bring my own gym gloves and my own look of steely determination. It drives away the red mists of rage keeping me both sane in the membrane and sane in the brain. I like to consider myself a “gym guy” most mornings. You know, the guy who looks like he deserves to be there gurning nonchalantly at his own reflection in the big mirrors at the end.

The other day mid way through the gun show, my gym nemesis shows up. This fella rocks in at 4ft 2 with a black cap and makes more noise than your average house party on acid. I had my Arnie from True Lies face on, so you knew I meant business and I was in the zone. BANG!! BOOM!!! CLANG!!!! Ruined. All of it. My chi was de-centred. The Lone Clanger had struck again.

You don’t come into my gym and disrupt my vibe yeah. This morning sanctuary is where I get ready for the day my way at one with my thoughts. It is a place of learning. I will school him. You don’t rave in a library. This is like a library. I’m a freakin' librarian people! I suggest you check the dewy decimal system and look up a book on self control. It’s right next to the book called Volume Control by R. U. Listening cos I will knock you out punk.

The Boom Town Rat was warned by my scornful eye what gazed at him in disgust. It spoke to him in dead languages unheard since Thor first struck his hammer in the Halls of Valhalla. Psalms of fear were sung on whispers in the air. He knew his place. Biatch.


Or so I thought! He was at it again in minutes. Not cool Cappy. Not cool.

But I gave him my look. It was a good look right? I try it to myself in the mirror and shiver.

But still he bangs.

Maybe I’m not the “gym guy”. Maybe I’m that guy who looks out of place and slightly effeminate. Maybe I don’t deserve my own gloves. No tough guy, don’t let the self-doubt creep in! Keep it out like the plague that it is! Don’t let the vermin in (they remain gnawing at the wood framed door to my mind. . .) Come on, you’re the man! Reach over the top! Feel the burn! Embrace the wall! Maximise the pain!

But it’s no use. That over sized kid has made this his place. It’s no longer my library of peace and solitude, it’s his Fun House. Look at him giving Pat Sharpe a high five. I hate Pat Sharpe. And I hate Noel Edmonds cos half the time I think he did Fun House.

From now on it’s a different tact for me. God invented the iPod for a reason. NWA give me peace.

Brick Lane Art

Brick Lane - one of London's most famous art and fashion districts continues to impress passers by with its ever changing street art. This week I think I should highlight three of the main pieces that caught my eye.

The first is a massively simple stencil graffiti of a toaster. Simple yet stylees.

The second is a fantastically detailed spray can stencil piece. Much more detailed and very intricate.

The third was more of a thinking piece. At first I couldn't tell if it was a tramp's mobility unit or the latest Skoda concept car. There wasn't a tramp in sight (very uncharacteristic for Brick Lane) and it didn't have a car badge so I guessed it must be art.

Consulting my art student friend I was informed that it was a statement highlighting the plight of modern London in the current economic turmoil that has affected us all. It shows how big business (the office chair) is now in the hands of the consumer (the shopping trolley). The bankers and the powers that be can't revive the country without the "everyman" driving them forward and continuing to buy buy buy. It is particularly symbolic that the office chair is dismantled. Very deep.

Much to my disappointment, yesterday I couldn't find it to show my other artistic friend. Either its been stolen or sold for millions.

I heart art. What a master peace.

Kanye West - Believe the hype

London, England. Mr West graces the city's premier venue with the first leg of his Glow In The Dark Tour.

Boom - flashing lights, lights, lights...

There is no doubt in any mind present or in the process of being blown well and truly away that Kanye is a performer. Not just a rapper, or singer, or musician. An Entertainer. A true Performer. Heck I'm gonna say it - one of the greatest performers out there.

Even as a one man whirlwind - dodging flames, darting through light shows and riding a spaceship - you would be hard pressed to see more precision in an act. Building the show up slowly, obviously aware that the foundations laid by supporting acts Mr Hudson and Santo Gold were seriously shaky, he layered classic on top of classic. A third of the way through his set Gold Digger got every person with the use of their legs up and dancing and every person with the power of speech singing.

From that point onward you would have thought things would have gone down hill, but track after track was a classic. It would be easy to forgotten how many massive hits Kanye has unleashed on the world. For me that made rediscovering them last night even more exciting.

At one point a voice over referred to him as "the biggest star in the Galaxy" which may seem far fetched to many - but after a night in his company at the O2 you would struggle to argue against the fact that he is a global phenomenon and until we find life on Mars I would have to say Galaxy wide too.

Ending the night with the surprise appearance of Estelle for their duet American Boy you suddenly realise that an entire auditorium has been entirely captivated for the last 2 hours by one single little fella bouncing on stage. By the sounds of things he had a good time doing what he was doing and from the reaction of the crowd we all enjoyed it just as much.

Kanye West - increase the peace

Top 5 Coolest People on TV . . . ever

This is total rubbish - but mega fun!

Each name is link to YouTube for the ultimate video experience.

1. Johnny Bravo - 10% of the time gets the girls every time - taught me everything I know.

2. The Fonz - Who else can jump a shark on water skis with a leather jacket on? Heeeeey!!

3. Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince - you can't really have one without the other. Word to Big Bird y'all.

4. Top Cat - this cat was the original swinging cool cat. Touched my inner being when I was younger (not like Michael Jackson you perv!)

5. Nathan Barley - kept it dense, kept it Mencap, was his own self facilitating media node. Need I say more?