Ho Ho Hum Bug

Is three days into December too early to turn Grinch?

By jingo Christmas has come early this year! According to Tesco it started coming in October. By December the 1st I was worried and now 3 days in I've had enough. Its cold and I'm miserable.

High streets have been light up like Heathrow's 3rd run way, adverts all play Slade (possibly the worst song EVER) and people in my work place have donned the classic Santa hat. How droll. Kill me. Kill me quickly.

Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas day. That rocks, but the build up is a killer. Its like being held under water to slowly drown and it starts from the first jingle of jolly bells on the radio waves. I just hope my lungs aren't filled with the glacial waters by the the big day. Is it like this every year? By the 25th will I be out of the water gasping for air and cranberry sauce?

The only thing that has made this, the 3rd day of December, worth living through was the news article that I read, courtesy of my amigo on his Twitter, that Ikea are now selling reindeer meat . . . Yum! I fancy a BBQ this weekend and Rodolph is invited. Hell he can even bring Blitzer. But Donner will be the main event. Chilli sauce baby!!!

Peace of dark or light meat?

Top 5 Things Of My Yesterday

Number 1.

Kanye West's 808 & Heartbreak.

Serving suggestions: take your peace and quiet and mix it up with a large dose of volume. Turn your iPod to stun and play starting from track one. Finish up on track 12 which is the live bonus one. Serves up to everyone who likes dance fusion hip hop with an R&B flavour.

For those who like Jean Michael Jarre you are on to a winner. For those who like Gold Digger - less so. Pretty "arty". Less Gucci more Gauguin.

I must admit that I liked it substantially more than I expected I would. Highlights would have to be Robo Cop and See You In My Nightmare featuring the man of the hour Lil' Wayne.

Number 2.

Beef jerky.

That stuff rocks. Meat flavoured chewing gum. Who ever thought putting raw meat out in the sun to dry was a good idea was pretty brave but a serious genius. Be it original, peppered or chili - put it in me!

Does anyone else ever feel odd drinking milk? As in " this stuff is great on cereal but really it hasn't come from Tesco its actually freshly squeezed cow juice"?

Number 3.

Taxi drivers.

I refuse to buy guide books and I don't need to. Yesterday's chaufeur in Chester gave me the grand tour charging only for the travel - all local knowledge imparted was free. According to him "Chester is the only city in the UK with an amphitheatre or some shit. They performed on the ground level with seats going up like or some shit. Fightin! Yeah fightin'. They done fightin' like down there." Manly buddy, very manly.

Noble taxi drivers nation wide I salute you.

Number 4.

Daft Punk's Discovery.

Forgotten classic. Get back on it if you have it, but if you haven't then get it. Complements 808 like beans complement chips.

Number 5.

Reading. (as in books - not the place cos the place is an actual hole)

Books are great. I hope that I won't ever have to read from a digital book or have everything online or some guff. Internet and computers are pretty cool - have you seen the Matrix? - but books is books. How wicked is a library!? Mega wicked. Also Waterstones is like a day trip but in shop form. If I had one wish it was that I had more time to read.

I would defo read a book written by a taxi driver.

Read my lips - P.E.A.C.E.

Blue Food. How High? Cake High.

Is it possible to get high from cake? If so - then man I am messed up.

Earlier today I had a chunk of Thomas the Tank Engine birthday cake. Thomas is blue - so the icing is blue too. You see if the icing was green or something then it wouldn't be Thomas would it? It would be Percy or maybe Trevor. But no, this cake was Blue man. Blue like blue stuff which stays blue for like forever. Deep. Yeah like deep blue. . . Trippy.

In nature the most natural of natures naturality is blue. Like air is blue and the sky. Water is blue, blue birds are blue. Its all nature man. But there aren't blue foods.

All blue foods we see today are created by the hands of dudekind. We use colourings of artificiality . These colourings are un-natural. Apache Indians would never eat blue smarties.

The only way to get natural blue foods would be to use sfreshly squashed Smurf. I haven't seen Smurfs in the wild for ages. Untill we find a sustainable source of farmable Smurfs innnocent people like myself will continue to struggle with the come downs of blue cake.

Peace of cake.