Russell Brand Come Home!

Unless you've been living in a cave, sharing your hot water bottle with Bin Laden, then you have heard about the BBC fiasco with our two mates Russell and Jonathon Ross.

What disgusts me is the girl in the centre of this debacle. Georgina. The Slut. I'm not being rude. She is actually a Slut. A Satanic Slut. As in the dance group yeah? You know - the nobodies who want to be the ugly and more naked version of the Pussy Cat Dolls? For fucks sake its in the name! How Andrew Sachs can be surprised that she is an horror show is totally beyond belief. They shouldn't have been quite so rude on the phone to him, but the outrage that has followed has been blown out of proportion worse than Jordan's new lips.

I personally blame the writers and readers of the Daily Mail. Ignorant bastards the lot of them. If you are a reader of the Daily Mail then do me a favor and put your head in the oven. How can anyone expect credible news from people who still cover Princess Di's death?! "Tomorrow in the Daily Mail - Cold War: it might be over".

Yesterday Georgina sold her story to the Sun. As a big Sun fan I was not shocked. Just disappointed. Disappointed that Russell Brand resigned and fled the country in vain.

Not that many people actually listened to the broadcast - 3,000 Daily Mail readers later and now look were we are. A national social outcry for the head of one of the most talented comedians of our time.

Georgina has given me STD - serious television disappointment. Russell Brand has packed his bags and done one to the States. Our loss. What will save British Comedy?

Maybe one day bigots and idiots here in the UK will allow Russell back in the country to entertain us once again.

Decent television has gone the way of George Best, 2Pac and Genghis Khan. Rest In Peace British comedy.

To hear the actual phone conversation http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=zrUZ2N8x2GI

Top 5 Coolest People on TV . . . ever

This is total rubbish - but mega fun!

Each name is link to YouTube for the ultimate video experience.

1. Johnny Bravo - 10% of the time gets the girls every time - taught me everything I know.

2. The Fonz - Who else can jump a shark on water skis with a leather jacket on? Heeeeey!!

3. Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince - you can't really have one without the other. Word to Big Bird y'all.

4. Top Cat - this cat was the original swinging cool cat. Touched my inner being when I was younger (not like Michael Jackson you perv!)

5. Nathan Barley - kept it dense, kept it Mencap, was his own self facilitating media node. Need I say more?

Ricky Gervais - the fugazi of comedy

Be it magazine, tabloid, radio or TV, Ricky Gervais is everywhere. Every time I see his gerbil head the rage sets in.

In the recent interview with Shortlist he just kept going on about how down to earth and humble he is. Bollocks. He loves himself worse than Russel Brand. I wouldn't mind so much - arrogance isn't a problem, hell I think I'm a direct relative of Baby Jesus himself, and I love Russel Brand, but he acts as if it is irony.

Shooting to fame in The Office must have been hard. I mean one minute you're in Reading, next minute Slough . . . except you're famous. The actor in The Office became a cult hero in no time . Thing is that the actor in The Office wasn't acting. He is actually David Brent. Every interview, every film, everything is Brent. He did the Brent dance at Live Aid. Sell out much Mr. Gervais? This new film Ghost Town - basically Ricky "I am actually David Brent" Gervais being himself. Again. Its borrrring.

So back to what really bugs me. His apparent arrogance being labelled as irony. No, its ironic that he thinks he is a good actor. Its ironic that he is famous for acting as Brent - when in fact he is the Brent.

Ricky, Ricky, Ricky . . . its not long till everyone realises how much of a twat pussy you really are. 2 suggestions - firstly; fess up to being as arrogant as seem, secondly admit that you are Brent.

Ricky Gervais is this week's peace of guff.

Is Gay the new Black?

Deciding to spend a Friday night in can be a hard. You have to justify it as a way of saving money, keeping healthy, avoiding horror photos on FaceBook come Monday. Because you've put so much on the line to stay in - no out on the lash with the boys, no booze Britain, no pizza on the way home, no £80 fine for public disorder - you assume the TV is going to be amazing to compensate.



And then you realise. It isn't. Friday night television is like diarrhoea. Its watered down, it stinks and its the last excuse you'll use for staying in on a Friday night. Last night the only sweetcorn of substance on the box was Celebrity Ding Dong with Alan Carr. They had Fashionistas VS Hardmen. And I have to say it was pretty funny. It was however pretty camp.

So I got to thinking . . . is being Gay the new Black?

It seemed that even the Hardmen - Danny Dyer, Razor that one what did East Enders then DFS and Nick Someone - were all loving the gay jokes and bit of flirting with Gok and Alan. I'm sure a few years ago Razor (who would seem is third in the evolutionary line after Harry of the Hendersons and Hagrid) would have knocked Gok's lights out for jesting about porking him. But he didn't.


Modern Man has become the Metro Man. Is that edgy enough? I don't think it is any more. You have to camp it up to be cool today.

So today I have swapped my Boyz In Da Hood for Sex In The City. If that doesn't keep me street cred up I don't know what will!!

Carrie Bradshaw and the girls, increase the peace.

Retired? Not in my day!

Today I read something that warmed the depths of my cynical soul.

Everyone loves old people. How can you not love an old person!! Well... I guess not when they want your seat on the bus. Or when they smell of pee... We love most old people that aren't listed above. We love them ones what are grey and cuddlesome that spend their Sundays passing on their worldly wisdom to little people who love Werthers Originals. No hint of dementia. No hint of incontinence.

So today I saw an article - it was all about this old geeza Bernie. He retired but got bored. Here is his story...

Bernie aged 67 got a job. Not just any job. A job that even Polish people wouldn't do. He worked as a loo attendant.



Bernie's work was so fantastic he actually won loo attendant of the year from the British Toilet Association. I didn't even know that there was a British Toilet Association!!! There is http://www.britloos.co.uk/ . He made these loos in Barry so pleasant that people actually spent up to 45 minutes there. Who - other than George Michael - spends 45 minutes in a public toilet? Well Bernie made it happen.

Bernie we love you. Keep doing your thing. Increase the peace.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/south_east/7687689.stm