A Priest walks into a bar . . .

It disturbs me that every time a man of the cloth - religious type not haberdasher - is in the news these days its because they have ended up in court or jail or hospital.

Reading an article about a Vicar who mysteriously fell upon a potato whilst cleaning was the highlight of my last Friday. The fact he happened to be naked was what made me chortle. Mr Potato Head ended up in his Garden of Eden. He must have loved it! The potato that is. I'm surprised it didn't take root. The fact is the Vicar of Spuddley is a Vicar and surely there must be rules stopping these sorts of things. Everyone knows that even Vicars have to obey health and safety whilst polishing the silverware. To the best of my knowledge there isn't an actual verse in the Bible forbidding these acts of passion. He hardly picked the forbidden apple from the Tree of Life, but it never the less does seem to go against God in some way. Maybe we need to update the Bible to make it more relevant for modern man: Commandment number 11 - thou shallst not derive relish nor fruition in conjunction with tuberous crops. Commandment number 12 - that goes the same for Henry the Hoover you cheeky monkey sod.

It isn't like I spend my life on some sort of Holy Crusade to find Bishops in bondage gear or Cardinals creating carnage but I did stumble across the story of a Priest on the run from the law this very morning. A Priest on the run!! It sounds absurd. But then to hear why he was fleeing the fuzz took the biscuit. He was a bigamist. Now we all know God said unto us all - thou shalt not shack up with 2 ladies at once. He put it so clearly in the Bible: a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

I guess the only saving grace is that there aren't more Catholics in Britain . . .

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time,the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognise."

Priest what give me the creeps - peace